Just got back from Las Vegas after spending New Years there, and I had a fantastic time. Firstly, I should point out that it was nothing like Swingers, Leaving Las Vegas, Fear and Loathing, Showgirls, Casino, The Hangover etc. etc. etc. Secondly I should point out I was with my family. Not that this was a bad thing in fact it was great, but secretly I wished I could live out my Swingers moment or wake up in a hotel room and the sofa would still be smoldering...
I had to share a room with my sisters.
Part of me feels that I missed out on a part of Vegas that's constantly been shown in the movies. Sadly though this wasn't the movies as my sister pointed out when I innocently wished I could win back the 50 dollars I just lost, to which she replied "don't be stupid this isn't the movies". I would've shrugged this off if she hadn't been the one winning my money at the blackjack table.
Blackjack is the game of the devil: one moment you're splitting your cards, doubling down and winning twice as much and the next moment you're being hauled from the table because some anti social fool has busted out and taken that card you needed *cough* my sister and you've called her a cunt. Whatever you do never ever use this word, in fact, I'm sorry if this word offends you, but now I'm going to desensitize you from this monstrous word: Cunt, cunter, cuntish, cunted, cunting, cuntics, cuntatron, cunternator, cuntanian, cuntastrophe...If you're still offended well then I really can't help you.
This unsavoury word got me in a little bit of trouble there, and the dealer threatened to call security. Telling them that it was okay and she was my sister didn't seem to help... Fortunately after a few minutes of glossing up my english accent and apologizing profusely to the dealer -not my sister strangely- the games continued and I was still 100 dollars down. Vegas sucked for about 5 more minutes and then boom! In two hands I won all my money back. I was god! Lord of the blackjack! I was so fucking money! So I played on, winning, losing and then bang I lost 50 dollars again; Vegas sucked...
It didn't really. One of the best things about this eccentric and extravagant place is the people; there are some weird and wonderful characters on the strip. A group of people I met were a bunch of Christians just in front of the lake outside the Bellagio. As I walked past they told me I was going to hell; I laughed. They didn't like that. So I explained that only God could pass judgment and that if Jesus were here today this would be one of the first places he'd catch a plane to. That seemed to upset them even more (Now, normally I wouldn't be scared but they were wielding hefty signs), and they retorted by saying Jesus would never come here because we're all sinners. Thank god for my A* in Divinity. I talked to them about how Jesus came to save the wicked and not the good etc. etc. etc. Our conversation ended when I decided to tease them as they followed me up to the Bellagio. They asked if I had accepted God and Jesus into my life. I said no I hadn't because Allah was the one true God and Mohammed his prophet. I ran inside before I was stoned to death.
I met a man who openly said he shot someone because he was getting abusive -remember they carry guns in this country my dad reminded me as I went to go drinking one night - and a woman on the plane who had claimed to have won 4000 dollars. She gave me 50 dollars just for being polite and English; she was very drunk over 30 and probably a lady of the night but she gave me money so how could I possibly judge her. I did half expect at that exact moment a Christian to jump out of the toilet brandishing a "YOU'RE GONNA BURN IN HELL"sign and beat her and I to death. If I hadn't received the fifty dollars I would've welcomed the beating, a Wisconsin Farm girl's voice can be grating after 4 hours.
I had fun in Vegas but not in the way you normally see it. I will return though with some friends and without family to live out my dream of winning big, marrying a stranger in an Elvis chapel, swimming in the Bellagio fountains, waking up not knowing where I am, who this stranger is sleeping on my arm with Jeremy 4 eva on her arse, a 100 dollar chip in my mouth and absolutely stark bollocks naked.
Next time people, next time.
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